Kindergarten Cop Soundboard Edit

A lot of flu going around this time of year, isn't that so?

A male kindergarten teacher isn't what I'm used to

A male kindergarten teacher that's unusual

A table for two thank you very much

A thermometer

Aah! help! help! help! somebody! help!

Actually it's quite a large serving

After the divorce he said we could stay here in exchange for keeping the place up

Ah good

Ahhh

All I have to do is tell my parents that you're here with something to do with the police and they'll yank their kids out of this school so fast we'd have to close the place

All right

All right (2)

All right (3)

All right all right settle down

All right did you tell anyone else this

All right let's get back into school

All right let's go back to class

All right let's try it again

All right move it in let's go step onto the numbers face front

All right party's over everyone go home

All right take your milk it makes you big and strong

All that hard earned drug money she stole from you

All the other grades your times were an improvement but they're still not good enough

All you have to do is point your finger and we can put him away for 30 years

And a little something I cooked myself for you

And blow our cover can't do it

And dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal and that government of the people by the people and for the people shall not perish from this earth

And don't you think I won't if I feel my children are in any danger

And even better salazar told me I have to tell you this

And flowers as well here you go she'll love them

And frankie my swimming teacher and gus my t ball coach are better than you too

And he his head is so big that he can't wear any hats

And he made me my favorite pasta a olio

And i'm sorry that I didn't believe you

And i've just been worried about sylvester he's been acting a little strange lately you know doing odd things

And on that farm he had a duck e I e I o

And then I coached basketball at an all girls school in rhode island but none of it made me really happy

And there goes our goddamn case

And this is dominic

And who's that

And writes I taught him myself

Anyway um I have a small problem

Are these all your lunches you mean you eat other people's lunches stop it!

Are these all your lunches? #fat kid #gorge #glutton #lunch thief #kindergarten cop #arnold

Are you a single parent mr green

Are you all right come on let's go

Are you listening

Are you married mr kimble

Are you okay

Are you serious you really know where he is

Are you sure

Aren't you going to break it up

Arnold Screaming and Leaving #screaming #im outta here #leaving #arnold #kindergarten cop

As a matter of fact he had two mothers unfortunately the first one died

At the school where I saw them astoria elementary school

Attention!

Austria

Bad people

Bailiff remove the prisoner

Bastard

Be good i'll be back to pick you up

Be right out!

Big circles big circles good now do the same thing way back and down in big circles big circles

Bon voyage

Boys have a penis girls have a vagina

Boys have a penis girls have a vagina (2)

Breakfast sir ma'am

Bring it back to the carpet quick quick quick back to the carpet quickly

Bullshit

But i'll keep an eye on him okay

But i'm sure there won't be any more occurrences

But it worked

But it's kinda tough on sylvester don't you think

But she I know

But we don't want joyce to think that do we

But what about your wife you remember her

But what you can't do what you must never ever do is never talk to strangers

But you shouldn't punch people

Can I help you

Can I pet him

Can we talk to dogs

Can you start a fire I don't think it should be a problem

Can't trust you I can't trust anybody

Check it out right

Cheerleader first violin in the school orchestra captain of the girls' softball team

Children's aspirin children's decongestant antihistamine

Cindy I don't like you using foul language not a classy girl like you

Cindy o d 'd last night

Class excuse me

Come in

Come on

Come on (2)

Come on (3)

Come on all together!

Come on come on come on

Come on come on everyone together! come on

Come on come on get all together everything together come on

Come on come on out

Come on come on! right here

Come on john i'm hungry

Come on one two three four come on go go

Come on quiet quiet! come on shh! quiet

Come on sit down

Come on stop whining

Come on zach let's all play together it's so much more fun

Come to me I want to start

Company halt!

Congratulations dominic the king of mount kimble!

Congratulations happy birthday

Courage that's my philosophy too

Crisp you're under arrest put your hands on your head and get up!

Cullen jr aged 3 months

Cullen told everybody I stole his money that way all these creeps would be looking for us to collect a big reward

Daddy

Daddy (2)

Danny danny! no! danny!

Danny where are they

Danny! get up! don't you die on me!

Daryl daryl

Das macht mich stocksauer jetzt bin ich sauer

Did he ever say what name she was using in oregon

Did he say anything before he left

Did I do that

Did I i'm sorry

Did lincoln have four mothers

Did she die no she went to see someone

Did she see you

Did they die

Did you see cullen jr

Did your daddy teach you this game

Didn't join the union until

Difficult man got to get to know him

Dinner won't be ready for a few minutes

Do you mean to tell me that you wouldn't take a bottle wine to a woman who's invited you over for dinner of course you would you know you would

Do you need a hand

Do you want to see something else

Does sylvester ever see his father

Doesn't anybody eat around here

Doesn't hurt to take precautions

Dominic

Dominic come back we're getting out of here dominic

Dominic doesn't even remember him

Dominic don't forget ferret

Dominic has been such a great help he's a good kid

Dominic stay close to me okay come on stay close to me

Dominic wait!

Dominic!

Dominic! (2)

Dominic! dominic!

Dominic! where's dominic dominic!

Don't don't

Don't go anywhere

Don't touch him!

Don't worry

Don't worry about anything okay we're going to be right across the hall

Don't worry about it we'll be fine

Don't worry i'm going to make it I just need a minute i'll be ready in just a minute I just got

Don't you have anything better to do

Don't you know the building is on fire

Don't you recognize me no sure you do it's me

Don't you remember

Don't you remember twinkle twinkle little star

Donde vas

Down to the wood where the bluebells grow anywhere anywhere I don't know

Drop it on the floor

Drop it! i'm losing it! hurry!

Drop the gun! drop the gun!

E is the fifth letter of the alphabet

Emma take your toy to the carpet

Everybody hands to your side

Everybody sit down on the carpet!

Everyone dies you know

Everything's going to be fine we just want to be extra careful

Everything's going to be okay dominic

Excuse me

Excuse me everybody

Excuse me i'm john kimble i'm zach's teacher

Excuse me this is your lucky day I have a better idea

Excuse me! surprise!

Faster faster come on yes come back terrific this is working wait

First day yes

First I would like to just get to know you

Follow me silly

Four scores and seven years ago

Four scores and seven years ago (2)

Four weeks into the new semester my superintendent told me I had to replace mrs hagley a kindergarten teacher of 25 years' experience with an undercover police officer and he wouldn't even tell me why

Fourscore and seven years ago our forefathers brought forth on this continent a new nation conceived in liberty

Freeze!

Freeze! (2)

Freeze! (3)

Get dominic okay dominic! dominic!

Get it

Get some rest and don't worry

Get those tree stumps out of my way before I vomit all over them

Give me the flowers

Go away

Go come on come right back to the carpet

Go go for it yes very fast

Go quickly get your toy

Go to hell

Go!

Going to start a whole new family

Good

Good good that's smart

Good morning

Good morning (2)

Good morning (3)

Good morning everyone

Good morning miss schlowski

Good morning mr kimble

Good morning mr kimble (2)

Good morning mr kimble (3)

Good morning phoebe

Good news you two are booked on the first flight to portland tomorrow morning

Good okay next one come on

Good quickly bring the toy back to the carpet

Good ready

Good then bring it back to the carpet pronto

Good very good

Gotcha!

Great

Great (2)

Great day huh

Great dominic you're doing well

Great well here are the directions

Hanna could you wrap that for me please

Have them tell the wife we're letting crisp go and he knows where she is

Have you guys had fun yeah

He came all the way up here just to surprise me

He came to us as a substitute teacher and he's proven to be a wonderful asset

He didn't say anything

He doesn't know where we are now and i'd like to keep it that way

He doesn't like anyone to talk to him

He doesn't live in france

He doesn't want me he wants dominic

He found out where we were and tried to kidnap dominic

He killed your boyfriend

He lives with his mother

He lives with his mother and stepfather

He looks a little odd but he's a wonderful teacher

He sounds like a very special child

He uses the dolls to look up girls' skirts I caught him doing it yesterday

He wasn't my boyfriend I hardly knew the guy

He works alone not anymore

He's a ca ca poo poo

He's a poo poo ca ca poo poo ca ca! poo poo ca ca! poo poo ca ca! poo poo ca ca!

He's a poo poo head

He's beating you too

He's gay what kind of a man teaches kindergarten he's obviously gay

He's inside kimble's looking for him

He's not married mom!

He's not your hostage he's your son

He's probably big is he a wrestler

He's really good to my son

He's right in here

Hello joyce

Help!

Help! help!

Help! help! (2)

Help! somebody help me! help!

Henry this is obviously my partner john kimble

Henry's a chef

Her

Her ambition was to travel experience life and meet interesting people

Her name's not ursula she's not my sister

Her teacher's salary is less than what I make which is pathetic

Here lady I gave her your stuff where's the rest of my money

Here's a picture

Here's what you've waited for the kindergarten have a look

Hey

Hey baby

Hey come here if you don't stop screwing around back there this is what i'll do with you

Hey hey hey! stop it! don't do that!

Hey how's everybody feeling today

Hey i'm a police officer this is an arrest

Hey i'm not stupid mr crisp

Hey i'm not talking to anybody without my lawyer

Hey listen can you gift wrap it it's a birthday present

Hey mr crisp how's it going

Hey snap out of it!

Hey wait a minute

Hey you're looking great

Hey zach

Hi

Hi (2)

Hi (3)

Hi (4)

Hi (5)

Hi (6)

Hi champ what's the matter

Hi cindy do you mind if I sit down

Hi how are you

Hi how you feeling

Hi i'm jillian sylvester's mom

Hi i've been leaving messages on your machine

Hi it took all day but I found out zach sullivan and his mother aren't related to crisp

Hi kids

Hi there will be four of us

His father lives in california

His head is so big that he can't wear any hats #big head #ego #conceited #arrogant #cocky #know it all #narcissistic #kindergarten cop

His name's zach sullivan

His name's zach sullivan what do you think

Hold it! right there drop it! hurry!

Hold on! please be careful! i'll get him down

Holy cow is that your new teacher

How about 6 30 7 00

How about kids can we talk to kids

How about you

How are you doing you must be the mr kimble we hear so much about

How did it go

How do I look

How long have we been married a long time this way people won't expect us to talk much to each other

How long have you been teaching kindergarten

How long you been a cop

How many

How many of you were born in astoria

How many whistle blows

How much was it 3 million dollars

How the hell do you get out of here

How'd she look

Huh

Hurry!

I almost didn't recognize you with all your clothes on

I am his sister

I assume you have some teaching experience

I been a cop for 12 years my father was a cop my brother was a cop my mother was a cop's wife and I have no hobbies

I beg your pardon

I bet she would make a much better witness

I brought goodies for you

I can't believe you got them all to sleep

I can't do that

I checked you out there is no record of you ever having taught at any public school in california or anywhere else

I didn't kill him I didn't kill him

I didn't know he was following me

I didn't know who my ex husband was when I married him I was young and stupid and I made a mistake

I didn't mean to startle you

I don't know

I don't know he said something about going getting his lasers

I don't know I didn't see anything I was in a box over there

I don't know I just don't feel so good

I don't know that many people

I don't know what happened

I don't know what my dad does I haven't seen him in a long time he lives in france

I don't like what you've done I really don't like it it feels terrible and it looks dreadful

I don't suppose you would do me the courtesy of filling me in

I don't want dominic to pay for it

I don't want him to see me without my makeup

I don't want to lose dominic

I don't want to lose you

I fell down again

I get to see a lot of him

I got it caught

I got so sick of other people's kids

I got some goodies and

I got to get out of here right now

I got you all right just hold on tight now hold on tight okay good

I had a great time

I had three fathers one named walt two named ralph

I had to do it! I didn't want to do it she made me

I hate it too

I have a headache it might be a tumor

I have a problem

I have a son he's 13 I remember when he was 5

I have a son i've hardly seen in the last seven years I don't mean anything to him

I have a witness too

I have no idea what kind of police officer you are but you're a very good teacher

I have some great exciting wonderful news mother

I have to get out of here you have a son if you were me you'd do the same thing

I have witnesses

I I didn't mean to hurt you

I just found out where they're hiding

I knew it

I know but not for a long long time

I know don't worry about anything now okay

I know I just found out

I know it's her

I know listen you just got to ask for at least 1000 dollars okay

I know she poisoned your hamsters she told me all about it and she's very sorry

I know you're in there I know what you want but you ain't getting it ever!

I like how they talk

I like you cindy i'm going to be around you a lot days nights weekends holidays

I lost my family I should never have let it happen

I love this I can't fool my own boy he's just 6 years old

I love you henry

I love you mother

I love you too phoebes

I made it myself

I mean his wife takes off with his kid and a couple of million dollars and we won't get a thousand

I mean you're very good deputies your sheriff is proud of you

I must have dozed off

I need to go to the bathroom

I need to go to the bathroom and I can't get these things off

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america and to the republic for which it stands one nation under god indivisible with liberty and justice for all

I prefer it that way

I promised my boy i'd get him one of these

I put up these lasers to protect us

I realized that the real action is in kindergarten

I really appreciate your honesty

I really love you do you understand that do you tell me you understand that say it say it!

I see they stuck you with the old gettysburg address this year

I suppose you saw the bruises on zach's legs

I swear you'll never have to run from him again

I think

I think a lot of people that come to small towns are trying to get away from something or they're hiding something

I think I can help you with that

I thought the introduction of a ferret was a horrible idea but the children seemed to like it

I thought the use of your police whistle was outrageous

I told dominic that he lived in france

I told you he was big

I understand

I used to read this to my son

I want to read it too

I want you to locate crisp's wife and offer her immunity in exchange for her testimony against him

I want you to walk around in a circle go start come on

I was a teacher before i've joined the force

I was afraid that i'd never want to have any of my own

I was born in austria my father was a teacher my mother was a teacher so is ursula

I was doing a delivery for corky last week out of state and I ran into your ex

I was going to put the lasers in the antenna

I was just talking to the teacher that's all yeah don't laugh

I was so glad to see him go I didn't worry about that part

I was wondering if you might have a minute i'd like to speak with you

I was wondering if you'd like to come to my place for dinner tomorrow night

I wish I was a kindergarten teacher but i'm not i'm a cop that's all I know how to be

I wish it was my house it belongs to a friend of mine

I worked them hard

I would like that yes

I wouldn't miss this for the world

I'd love to help you but my kid's been bugging me for one of these ever since christmas

I'd really like to help you but we're pretty much out of the race cars unless

I'll be fine class starts at 9 00 in the morning i'll be fine

I'll be in the pharmacy

I'll be out in a week and you'll still be eating take out food in that dump you live in

I'll be right out

I'll be watching you

I'll come back later

I'll get as much as I can

I'll get someone to help you i'll be right back okay

I'll knock 10 percent off the price

I'll live

I'll pay you four times what it's worth you can get your kid something even better

I'll pay you twice what he's charging

I'll see you tomorrow

I'll show you where the wood is

I'll take care of her

I'll wait right over here for you okay

I'm a chef

I'm a cop you idiot!

I'm back

I'm back (2)

I'm detective john kimble

I'm fine

I'm fine I can eat anything I want

I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions and I want to have them answered immediately

I'm going to be your sheriff you're going to be my deputy trainees

I'm going to plant one of my lasers on that antenna but i'll have to do it at night otherwise the bad people will know where it is

I'm going to tell you something dominic

I'm his father you stole him from me!

I'm john kimble your new kindergarten teacher

I'm joyce palmieri I work at john's school

I'm looking forward to it

I'm lost where is the dining room this house is huge

I'm marrying a great chef

I'm not a policeman i'm a princess

I'm not a policeman i'm a princess (2)

I'm not doing any lineup that's what I say and there ain't jack shit you can do about it!

I'm not going to throw up on you but I am going to kiss you

I'm okay

I'm on fire!

I'm on fire! (2)

I'm Pregnant #arnold #arnold schwarzenegger #schwarzenegger #prego #pregnant #knocked up #expecting #breaking the news #lol #funny

I'm pressing charges against you

I'm sorry about being so personal

I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you

I'm sorry I shouldn't have hit the man especially in front of the children it was a mistake

I'm sorry I wanted to give you a second chance

I'm sorry things have been hectic

I'm sorry zach's late the car wouldn't start

I'm still not getting through to you am I daryl

I'm the party pooper

I'm trying my best

I'm very disappointed

I'm very happy to be here

I'm very lucky because my ex got remarried to a very nice man

I'm watching you

I'm your father dominic your father

I'm your father you're gonna have to learn to trust me and do what I say do you understand

I'm your mother aren't i

I've been after crisp for four years and she's gonna let my key witness walk it out of here

I've been searching for you for five long years

I've been working undercover for a long time

I've never seen anyone so little eat so much

If he bites you you get rabies and die

If he does it again I press charges

If he wasn't going to counseling I could see the point of saying something

If I lost dominic I don't think I could go on living

If I need a ticket fixed i'll call you sweetheart in the meantime stay the hell out go on

If joyce is crisp's wife she's got to cooperate and tell us about the money or she gets no police protection

If she wants police protection she'll better come up with the money

If you didn't take the money then why is he after you

If you don't mind waiting i'll just wrap it up for you

If you were a bird and lived on high you'd lean on the wind when the wind came by

If you were any stiffer we could take you surfing

In here this is my secret hiding spot

Is everything okay

Is he a basketball coach

Is it safe

Is she is she really

Is your daddy a fireman

Is your wife okay sir compared to what

It belongs to a guy in san diego who only uses it for two weeks during the ski season

It felt great

It is the season

It is your job and i'm stuck with it

It was easy

It wasn't a little overcooked no al dente

It wasn't overcooked

It went that well huh

It's a great shot of an ear

It's a real nice healthy place where they're living it snows in winter there

It's all right i'm a police officer

It's all right no harm in trying

It's going to be hard for you to understand but you got to believe me

It's got to be her

It's him mom

It's murder one this time

It's my birthday

It's my second day

It's not a tumor! #tumor #headache #kindergarten cop #arnold schwarzenegger #migraine

It's not a tumor! it's not a tumor at all

It's not your fault

It's okay i'm a fireman I help people

It's okay it's okay i'm not going to hurt you i'm not going to hurt you

It's only water don't be scared

It's still in great shape

It's story time mr kimble

It's the best I could do

It's time now to turn this mush into muscles

It's true! I don't have to justify myself to you!

It's very nice to see you all again

Ja

Ja me too

Ja why weren't you happy

John are you there

John is a bit unusual well you are

Joyce

Joyce wait! wait!

Joyce!

Joyce! dominic!

Joyce! joyce!

Just don't throw up on me

Just hold on i'm right here good boy all right just hold on okay just hold on

Just let me handle this myself mother I know what i'm doing everything is under control

Just sit down okay

Just tell me what you have danny and i'll take good care of you

Just wait here a minute

Just what I need

Keep looking check for offshore accounts under dominic's name

Kimble hold on a second i

Kimble not again!

Kimble this might not be her

Kimble's been on this a long time

Ladies and gentlemen mr john kimble

Ladies! ladies surprise

Lasers I think I know where he is

Last one to the table is a rotten banana!

Leave me alone!

Leave me alone! (2)

Let go of me!

Let go!

Let me go! no! let me off of him!

Let me just get this and i'll be right out

Let me just start reading

Let me take care of cindy she'll make crisp I guarantee it

Let's find a restaurant

Let's just say i'm not going to offer to cook her dinner

Let's talk about it what do you mean no money

Let's welcome him into our community and hope that he considers staying on a permanent basis

Like crisp

Like what

Like what (2)

Listen can we talk business

Listen crisp knows where you are he could be here any minute

Listen he's a dead ringer for crisp look

Listen I was just thinking maybe we should take a wild stab at getting to know each other before we have to pretend we're married

Listen i've got to tell you the truth

Listen you got to handle this like any other police situation

Listen! just listen

Look I just want to get out of here and go home

Look man i'm a cop

Look nobody around here knows anything about this I can't even believe I told you you have to promise me you won't tell anyone

Look you're going to be out of here in a few days

Looked great he looked very healthy

Man you gotta check out of here this stuff will kill you

Manicure mr crisp

March two three four march two three four

March! one two three four

Mary you first

Matthew I sent you to the principal's office because you punched jenny

Maybe

Maybe it was the burrito or it could've been the sausages I don't think it was the crab salad it couldn't have been the donuts excuse me

Maybe your best isn't good enough

Me well there was an opening for a kindergarten teacher

Meet my very good friend phoebe o'hara

Mi papa trabaja en la casa y el juega con migo mucho

Mind if I talk to my friend a little bit

Mmm hmm

Most kindergarten children can't read yet my son can

Mother got this great surprise for junior

Mother you are going to make him sick you stuffed all this crap down in my throat for years and it was nothing wrong with me

Mr crisp you will be remanded into custody until your trial

Mr kimble are you all right

Mr kimble I need to go real bad

Mr kimble miss schlowski will see you now

Mr kimble!

Mr kimble! mr kimble!

Mrs hagley is a lot better than you

Mrs sullivan! mrs sullivan!

Much better

My boy

My dad doesn't do anything since the crash

My dad doesn't live with us anymore he lives in new york and drives a taxi my mom hopes he's going to die real soon

My dad gives money to people that doesn't have money and then people use that money then they give other money back and they give the same amount of money back to my dad

My dad is a Gynecologist #gynecologist #gynecology #occupation #career day #vaginas

My dad is a gynecologist and he looks at vaginas all day long

My dad repairs cars driven by women who are pinheads

My dad um is a psychologist and he helps people that are hurt or lost their feelings and um that's it

My dad watches tv all day long

My dad works on computers and he's um the boss of his company and um he has a mustache and a beard

My dad's divorced my mom's divorced

My ex wife got remarried she doesn't want me to be part of his life

My hat

My husband has started counseling about this he's been going for three weeks now

My mom's a teacher in this school and she's a lot better than you too

My name is john kimble and I love my car

My name is ursula wonderful to meet you i'm visiting here from austria

My old lady left 'cause of the money yours left because she just couldn't stand the sight of you

My son doesn't even know me because of you

Nah he doesn't want to eat that he's a tough guy tough guys don't eat jell o

Neither am i

Next time my place

Nice huh

Nice to meet you

Nice to meet you (2)

Nice to meet you too

Nice town hmm ahh! smell that fresh air

No

No (2)

No don't start this

No fear

No fear (2)

No he was not bad it wasn't his fault at all

No I was changing a tire and suddenly there she was across the street taking her kid into this school

No i'm not

No it's not fair! i'm not finished yet!

No it's when the daddy doesn't want to see his little boy anymore

No ja ja

No lineup no testimony so you can take your handcuffs and shove them up your ass!

No lowell

No monsters

No more complaining no more I have to go to the bathroom nothing!

No my wife had to stay behind to complete the sale of our home

No no

No no (2)

No no not since he was two

No no way

No no what's tough on sylvester is the fact his father left us for another man

No no you can't

No offense to o'hallahan but this is my case and I work alone

No sit down man

No that's not true he never bites

No this is no joke you took 3 million dollars

No two more days of this and he'll quit

No!

No! no

None of us are wearing makeup

Not exactly a job for you

Not just a good chef

Now anyone that was not born in astoria somewhere outside like california raise your hands

Now did danny ever say what crisp's wife looked like

Now how can you argue with that

Now I know you like that woman what is your problem

Now let me out of here!

Now let's everybody say good morning mr kimble

Now listen to me

Now miss o'hara is going to talk to you about something very important

Now the first thing the deputy trainees have to learn is to freeze whenever you hear this

Now the next time you hear this whistle each one of you get one toy

Now until mrs hagley comes back we have someone special to help

Now we're going to do something extremely fun

Now we're going to play another game

Now will you tell me something don't lie

Now write and say these words in which

Now you're mine

Number five that's him

O'hara meet kimble

O'hara says they think they've located the wife

Obviously i'm not into baking cakes so I brought these little things to donate for the raffle prizes

Of course i'm glad he's in france and doesn't live nearby

Of course you're a genius henry

Oh

Oh (2)

Oh alex is his name

Oh and kimble the name's o'hara

Oh dominic dominic dominic is king of the mountain! way to go dominic here's your crown

Oh don't shoot don't shoot

Oh excuse me I forgot to introduce myself

Oh excuse me I forgot to tell you this is my ferret he doesn't bite don't worry

Oh god

Oh god (2)

Oh god I thought he'd forgotten about that

Oh good okay

Oh great well that was fast

Oh how could I say no to you

Oh I can't wait

Oh I hate feeling like this

Oh I hate this

Oh it's not a date I know

Oh it's so nice to see you again

Oh jeez uh hi how you doing

Oh kindergarten 6 year olds

Oh man the hallway's full of smoke

Oh my god

Oh no

Oh no (2)

Oh no wait a minute I want to start with the spicy chicken wings

Oh oh well that's a relief

Oh really I would never have guessed

Oh that uh that is uh

Oh this is terrible

Oh um class uh catherine can you take over for me please thank you

Oh well I got a bottle of wine for your big date

Oh yeah that's what you said before and you turned out to be a cop

Oh yes I do I know him well that's why I don't want him to get his hands on you and dominic

Oh you always exaggerate everything is always great terrific

Oh you can't do that

Oh!

Oh! i'd like to introduce you to our kindergarten teacher

Oh! it's okay honey

Ohh

Ok we start right here you

Okay

Okay here's the wife at 17 real name's rachel myatt

Okay hmm

Okay I want a rib eye steak with mashed potatoes and a large green salad

Okay i'll be careful

Okay i'm proud of you keep going

Okay next uh what's his name with his back to me

Okay now don't lag behind hold onto my hand stay together

Okay now today we're going to talk about something else that's really important

Okay stay calm okay it's probably a fire drill

Okay stay together stay together stay together hold onto your partner

Okay that sounds fair

Okay that's obviously not my final offer 750 would be fine I mean more than fine

Okay this is a fire drill come on it's the real thing now just the way we practiced it go out there fast just the way we practiced it

Okay this is the only picture we have of him

Okay why don't we all say that that together we never talk to strangers right

Okay you can go

On monday nights my mom tutors and mrs quinn takes care of me

On second thought take the gun

On the kindergarten level we try to emphasize the three c's caring courtesy and courage

One more come on down and up come on

One two three four

One two three four one two three four

One two three four one two three four one two three four one two three four

One!

Ooh excuse me but it's good it is good

Ooh good arms

Open it and let me out!

Open up

Our forefathers brought four fathers did lincoln have four fathers

Our mom says our dad is a real sex machine #marriage #sex life #sex machine #husband #hubby #mothers day #fathers day

Our mom says that our dad is a real sex machine

Phoebe

Play with the kids honey

Please

Please allow me to finish

Please don't bring the school system into it it will make matters worse

Please give him back

Please let him go let him go!

Please let me help you

Please let me take a look

Please please don't do this! you're scaring him!

Put that cigar out it's unhealthy for the kid

Quickest way to slip up doing undercover work is by doing things that you normally wouldn't do

Quiet

Quiet that's enough

Quiet you hear me quiet

Rachel!

Raise your hands let's see them

Reading writing arithmetic too much homework makes me sick

Ready

Ready wait for it

Really

Really he reads at 6 that's good

Relax butch the love doctor is here

Relax don't let him get to you

Relax ok i'm putting it down

Remember no fear

Right after the lineup i'll drive you home afterwards i'll even buy you dinner come on i'll even cook you dinner what do you say

Samantha calls him the giant

Scared of course he's scared you told him all these lies about me

See that

See we have the same kind of hands

See you tomorrow

See you tomorrow at the fair

She asked me to check the local schools before we buy a home here

She doesn't live like a woman with millions of dollars she doesn't even seem the type

She locates the kid you find the mother and the cash and crisp spends his life making license plates

She looked great yeah she changed her hair and stuff but she looked like a million dollars in fact she looked like about three million

She said they're looking into it

She's better than you too

She's from hannibal missouri class of '76

She's going in undercover as a substitute kindergarten teacher

She's going to run again unless we do something about it

She's got under 1000 dollars in the bank no safe deposit box no stocks no bonds no other assets under the name joyce palmieri

She's the one I was telling you about her husband ran away with another guy it's been terrible for her

Shh don't say anything just take it easy i'll take care of it trust me

Shit

Shit who does he think he is he's lucky I didn't kick his ass

Shit!

Shit! (2)

Shithead

Shut up and stay out of sight ok I told him I was coming alone

Shut Up! #shut up #quiet #loud #arnold schwarzenegger #kindergarten cop

Shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up

Sit down

Sit down! sit

Slow down!

So am i

So far I have three possible suspects one likely

So I want you to pay real attention to what she has to say okay

So i've been trying to get to know the parents but some of them are avoiding me

So the doctor says it's a stomach flu

So what's so great

So when I moved to this country I taught geography and physical education in arizona

So where do we send the invitation hmm

So where you from

So who are you man

Some of them are like that it's a strange town that way especially with new arrivals

Someone finally noticed

Something about having to leave in the middle of the night and leave his toys behind

Sometimes you have to excuse my brother he has no manners at all

Sorry

Sorry (2)

Sorry it took so long cullen

Stay behind me don't get separated

Stay close to the wall let's go

Stop it

Stop it!

Stranger! stranger! stranger! stranger! stranger! stranger!

Sure

Sure but one at a time okay

Sure please

Sure you all say the same thing the kid fell down the stairs don't you have anything better to say than that

Swing your arms two three four swing them high two three four

Table 27

Take it Back #arnold schwarzenegger #kindergarten cop #take it #take it back #apologize #say youre sorry #offended #return it #returns

Take it back!

Take off the gun

Take your toy back to the carpet

Tell me about it

Tell me what's happened

Tell o'hara and kimble their witness is dead so crisp is going to walk

Thank you

Thank you (2)

Thank you (3)

Thank you (4)

Thank you (5)

Thank you (6)

Thank you (7)

Thank you bye

Thank you for your time

Thank you very good

Thank you very much

Thanks

Thanks (2)

Thanks (3)

Thanks again

Thanks for the tip

Thanks I don't think it's a good idea

Thanks thanks partner

That doesn't matter

That figures

That helps much

That is far away

That would be fine

That'll be 57 90

That's a ferret

That's a first

That's a good idea

That's all I could think of

That's four minutes you should be ashamed of yourselves

That's her 10 years later

That's it's in astoria oregon

That's not what it is

That's right but i'm divorced

That's right I am

That's right i'm not

That's the creep

That's very good perfect

That's very kind of you but I don't think so

That's where you're going you son of a bitch!

That's why I quit teaching you know

That's why there was nothing wrong with you

The bad people

The bad people have found us

The boy is mine! he's my boy! you get your own goddamn family!

The boy's not sick

The doctor says it looks much worser than it really is

The key! give me the key!

The kids they're walking all over me

The leg! the leg!

The little bastards are going to eat you alive

The only problem i've got is that i'm doing your job

The only reason why i'm interested in this woman is because she works at the school she knows the children and the parents

The only relative she's got left is the kid

The only way we can offer you protection is if you tell us where the money is

The son of a bitch handcuffed me to a dead man! a dead man!

The truth is my ex husband is a walking nightmare he didn't leave us we left him

The wedding

Then you make your airplane go up into the clouds

There are 14 boys in the classroom

There he is

There is no bathroom!

There is no money you son of a bitch there never was!

There's been a change of plan

These are beautiful pictures of you and dominic

They located the money

They released crisp this morning he's probably on his way here now

They sure did

They wouldn't have sent me otherwise

They're 6 year olds how much trouble can they be

They're all yours

They're all yours (2)

They're both dead

They're horrible

They're not in danger

They're not the tiny bitsy ones without meat on them aren't they

They're okay don't worry everything is under control

They're pushing me around

This is a ferret

This is a fire drill! this is a fire drill run to the door

This is all I need an obstacle a goddamn obstacle he sends me an obstacle here

This is henry shoop my fiance

This is mr kimble your new kindergarten teacher

This is not a dog

This is some kind of a joke right

This is the last one

This is your new class mascot

This man is under arrest

This man's crazy look at him he wants to kill me you're just going to stand there

Three four one two three

To protect you from what

Today we're going to play a new fun game it's called police school

Today we're going to talk about strangers like let's say you're at home and a stranger knocks on your door you should never answer the door never! because we never talk to strangers

Tourists

Try not to step in anything

Two hot dogs two hot dogs

Two hundred cash

Two!

Uh and the blueberry pie with ice cream for dessert ja

Uh go for a little walk your teacher and I have to talk for a minute ok

Uh I forgot to close the door to the basement and zach had a bad fall

Uh I know what this is about

Uh no after the divorce he moved back to france

Uh oh they're going to do it

Uh oh uh oh what uh oh pull over now yeah please hurry

Uh well i've got to head back tonight i've got to work

Um about last night i've been thinking about it and i'm glad I told you all those things

Um I i better get going

Um okay let's take a break come on

Um you you've got a little mustache oh it must be from the milk

Und a large bowl of the clam chowder

Ursula how are you

Very good you did very well

Very straight very straight

Wait a minute

Wait for it sit down

Was it crisp

We all like this one and if you read us a story now everybody will go to sleep

We can offer you immunity for your testimony you won't go to jail but we need you to help us

We have a tradition in austria where we follow the footsteps of our parents

We know who you are rachel

We should think about buying something up here like some log cabin in the woods near a lake kids love that outdoor kind of stuff

We thought it was another drill

We want their asses back here

We were expecting a miss o'hara

We'll find him stop it we'll find him we'll find him

We'll see about that i'm checking it out

We're going to be a family again son

We're going to play a game called who is my daddy and what does he do

We're not who you think we are

We're police officers

We've got lots of other cases to clear

We've got to press joyce and we've got to press her now

We've run out of time

Welcome to astoria the single parent capital of america

Well congratulations

Well dominic was talking to me about having to move around a lot to keep the bad people away

Well for example what brought you here

Well get out!

Well here we are

Well I got tired of teaching teenagers because by the time they came to me I felt there wasn't much I could do with them

Well i'd better get back to class

Well i've got news for you you are mine now you belong to me!

Well if you give me his name and number I could talk to him about taking more interest in his son

Well it seems that's he's becoming a little obsessed with playing with dolls

Well it's going to cost you like 1000 dollars

Well joyce's story about the house checked out

Well kimble I think you scored

Well let's have it

Well listen it was nice to meet you

Well we're all glad the kindergarten class could join us

Well where's your hat

Well you taught them the basics that's important

What

What (2)

What (3)

What a dumb name

What about child support and alimony does he take care of you

What about dogs

What about now

What about your ex husband does he see dominic a lot

What are you doing

What are you doing (2)

What are you doing here you asshole

What are you doing with this

What are you going to do handcuff her to your car and take her for a ride

What are you looking at

What did it feel like to hit that son of a bitch

What do I do

What do you mean

What do you mean (2)

What do you want to know

What happened to your dog

What I meant was you tell me who is your daddy and what does he do

What is that

What is this

What is wrong with you mister

What the fuck

What you doing in there

What you mean hey baby

What's a divorce it's when your daddy lives some place else and comes over to take you places and your mommy says he's a deadbeat

What's a ferret

What's his name

What's that it's a fire alarm!

What's that supposed to mean

What's the matter

What's the matter (2)

What's the matter (3)

What's this don't touch that! it's a laser and it'll burn a hole right through you

When I was putting dominic to bed he mentioned you had a son too

When it's time to pass the test kindergarten is the best

When will you leave me alone

When you hear two whistle blows each one of you take your toy back where you got it from and come right back to the carpet

Where am I going I don't quite know what does it matter where people go

Where honey

Where is he

Where'd she go

Where's dominic

Where's dominic (2)

Where's dominic he's on a pony he's fine

Where's my grandson

Where's my grandson (2)

Who

Who (2)

Who (3)

Who (4)

Who are you old lady

Who is your daddy and what does he do? #whos your daddy #kindergarten cop #arnold schwarzenegger #dad #fathers day

Who is Your Daddy, And What Does He Do? #arnold schwarzenegger #who is your daddy #what does he do

Who the hell is that

Whoa honey that's a fire in there

Whoa whoa whoa what are you talking about

Why are you mad at mr kimble because he's a jerk

Why are you staring at me like that

Why are you telling me all of this

Why because she doesn't want to have anything to do with her ex husband

Why did you tell her you were my sister

Why don't you all lie down okay good and rest

Why don't you let the boy go now

Why don't you want to see your little boy was he bad

Why not

Why weren't you happy

Would you like to join us for dinner

Wow

Wow this is amazing

Wow this is quite a place they must be paying you a lot more than they're paying me

Yeah

Yeah (2)

Yeah (3)

Yeah (4)

Yeah but what made you become a kindergarten teacher I mean it is a bit unusual

Yeah he doesn't have that much hair because

Yeah he's a poo poo face

Yeah he's cute

Yeah here it is here it is just don't harm the boy okay

Yeah I have to get going too

Yeah I know all about you without me you wouldn't even have a life

Yeah I know I got a kid in there I got get inside

Yeah I know i'm hypoglycemic if I don't eat regularly I get a little nuts

Yeah i'm listening

Yeah it's okay you can talk to kids that's all right

Yeah that's her

Yeah uh you're coming to the wedding right

Yeah well tomorrow morning bright and early

Yeah why

Yeah yeah I do

Yeah yeah she calls him dominic she'd always wanted to name him dominic

Yeah you are

Yeah you can talk to dogs that's okay

Yes

Yes (2)

Yes (3)

Yes can I help you

Yes good yeah good now we're having fun

Yes he is he's a great athlete

Yes I can i'm going to hang out with you until the end of time

Yes I do

Yes i'm sure he is

Yes it works this is great

Yes it's a fire drill come on

Yes of course that would be great

Yes sir

Yes sir (2)

Yes! yes! zach is the winner give him a hand come on you guys

Yo man i'll just keep an eye on it for you all right you got a beautiful ride

You bastard!

You bastard! where's dominic

You be a good boy I love you

You can trust me

You can trust me (2)

You can't come in

You can't just walk in here and put a gun in my face i'm trying to get a manicure

You could be right

You don't have any right talking to me like that

You don't know what he's like

You don't understand I have nothing else to do and I have nowhere else to go

You get in touch with her parents

You give me the names of your drug suppliers and distributors and i'll tell the judge what a nice cooperative killer you are

You got the stuff thanks man

You got to hide

You happen to know someone that's not better than me

You have no teaching experience whatsoever do you

You hit the kid I hit you

You hungry

You kids are soft you lack discipline

You know it's weird

You know kindergarten is like the ocean you don't want to turn your back on it

You know what I think I think you want it to be her

You know what to do

You know you look good yourself

You led him here if he has dominic i'll kill you

You look much better already

You mean that a great chef

You mean the tower

You must have nice friends

You okay

You really like her and it's scaring you to death

You said you had information about my family

You see his mommy and I we just nev

You see his mother and I we are divorced I know

You see sylvester's father doesn't live with us anymore

You should be cleaning up the paint you should be reading stories about bears that go shopping

You shouldn't be here

You take over tomorrow

You think the jury's going to convict me on the testimony of that junkie

You told me yourself you had a few good leads

You walk into it showing fear you're dead and those kids know you're scared

You want some of this

You won't say anything will you please

You'd say to the wind when it took you away that's where I wanted to go today

You'll be back dealing with junkies and murderers in no time

You'll do this to your own son

You're married you're allowed to look like slobs

You're marrying a chef

You're not

You're not from around here are you

You're not getting mellow on me are you

You're not going to have your mommies here to wipe your tushies oh no

You're not going to lose him

You're not my father my father lives in france

You're not so tough without your car are you

You're not worth it

You're right i'm no jerk fireman

You're the best

You've learned that the e is often silent when it immediately follows another vowel

You've wasted years chasing after me and what has it gotten you hmm nothing

Your fairy godmother

Your fiance yeah my fiance

Your hands! they're up

Your mother told you that but that's not true! i'm your father!

Your son

Your teacher mrs hagley had to go on an important trip for a few days

Zach

Zach (2)

29 30 31 32 33

(all groaning)

(all laughing)

(bell rings children yelling)

(breaks pencil in hand)

(burping)

(children clamoring)

(children crying)

(children exclaiming)

(children giggling)

(children laughing)

(children screaming)

(children shrieking)

(children whooping)

(chuckles)

(chuckling)

(clicking tongue)

(clicking tongue) (2)

(ferret whimpering)

(fire alarm ringing)

(giggling)

(grunting)

(kid shrieking)

(kids laughing)

(kids laughing) (2)

(kimble screams)

(little girl giggling)

(miss o'hara screams)

(people screaming)

(plane noise)

(sarcastic laughing)

(shotgun fire)

(shotgun loading sound)

(sighing)

(teenagers exclaiming)

(whistle blowing)

(whistle blowing) (2)

(whistle blowing) (3)

(whistle blowing) (4)

(whistle blows twice)